Thank you for visiting.
I started 100 Days of Radiance as a way to invite and cultivate an ongoing feeling of radiance into my body and being. It's an experiment really, to see how my life might evolve, expand, and grow as a result of choosing radiance and love each day.
I decided to record the journey here on this blog, so as to invite others to journey along with me.
My deepest wish is that by being here that you may feel connected to your own experience of radiance and love. Thank you for being here.
This journey was inspired by my sweet husband, Frank, who left me a loving message on our whiteboard in our basement gym.
"Coco is radiant and full of love."
His message touched me. It was as if his soul heard mine, and gave me exactly what I needed to hear.
Radiant. And full of love.
I thought to myself...
Yes, this is what I long to be.
This is what I long to feel.
This is what I want my life to be about.
His simple whiteboard message came to me at a time when I was trying to chart the course of my next stage of life.
I've recently turned 40, a milestone I dearly covet, as it feels somehow I've entered a new realm of freedom, choices, and wisdom that perhaps I hadn't previously given myself permission to own.
Anyway, I'd been searching for words to describe the feeling and energy I would like to cultivate in my next stage of life. I'd been pondering many words, feelings, expressions of where my deepest desires were pulling me.
Radiant and Full of Love
seemed to hit the mark.
In much of my past, I have been a person who creates material things in the physical world. I have started and run three businesses. I've run a non-profit school for children with disabilities. And I have climbed the corporate ladder. I've done this because I'm good at it. I am organized, efficient, passionate, and fiercely able to follow through. It didn't hurt that I have a natural way of inspiring people, helping them grow, and bringing their best to a goal or challenge. I am a get things done kinda gal. And until now, this has worked for me.
I've hung my identity on being this person. A person who derives her value, who invests her time, and who finds satisfaction from getting things done.
But lately, frankly, I'm tired of being this person.
I seem to have outgrown this masculine-woman, mission-focused, driven approach to life. It just doesn't feel good anymore. It all feels over-caffeinated and adrenaline-filled. And with two children at home (including a step-daughter who is severely disabled), a husband that travels four-to-five days each week, and a life that straddles two places, Connecticut and New York City; this over-caffeinated woman at the helm does nothing but exhaust me.
These days I'm longing to focus more on my being-ness, my light, my juiciness.
I want to feel alive, vibrant, sensuous, and in love with my life. I want to feel the warmth of my own light and see that light reflected in my children's sweet eyes. I want to feel awake in my senses, alive in my body, and enraptured by the moments of my life.
I want to put joy before order...
laughter before perfection...
and love before success...
I want to not just have the energy to make love to my husband, but to actually be long for it.
I am challenging myself to value the other gifts I bring to the world beyond what I do and achieve.
I will tell you that this shift from valuing what I am doing to valuing who I am being is no easy task. At least it has not been for me. In moments of exhaustion, stress, or challenge, my default mode is to understand everyone's needs, come up with an ideal solution, personally ensure the solution gets properly implemented, and and still make sure a healthy, organic homemade dinner makes it on the table.
It's what I do. It's what other's expect of me. It's difficult imagining allowing the space for something else. More than difficult. It is frightening.
It is an act of surrender. Allowing. Waiting to see how this new form of power will serve me, my children, husband, community, and the larger world.
It is wildly unclear to me how this radiant being will still keep the house tidy, errands run, bills paid, our rental property managed, and our other business issues handled.
So why do it? Why infuse my life with this heretical idea of radiance and love?
So here we land at the deeper reason why I am committing to this 100 Day Journey of Radiance.
My inner guides have been telling me for a long while now it's time for me to get around to giving my deeper gifts, the gifts of my inner being, the energetic gifts of love and radiance.
My inner guides have expressed to me again and again that I need to trust that the highest good I can bring to myself, my family, my community, and the world at large will not come from my gifts of efficiency, order, goal management, and unwavering discipline.
These gifts have gotten me here, which is wonderful, but to evolve to the next level, I must leave the safety and comfort of these known lands behind.
This 100 Day Journey is my way of following the guidance of my inner guides, leading me from the safe harbor of who I have been, to the new horizon of what I can become.
It is how I intend to heed the higher calling of radiance and love that Frank so divinely wrote on the whiteboard for me to receive.
It acts as a training ground for to live in a new way, and through experience hopefully come to truly value the gifts of being radiant and full of love... so that when the journey is through, I may believe, not just in my theoretical mind but in every cell of my being, that living from radiance opens the door into a new realm of life. A life where choosing to trust that the energetic gifts of love and radiance transforms, elevates, and heals every aspect of life. By committing to the idea, study, unfolding, awakening and simple practice of radiance, I might discover expanded levels of joy, abundance, and life-full-ness like never before.